DIARY OF A LOCKDOWN: QUARANTINING W/ my signif OthER, QUITTING ANTI-DS & THE WFH STYLE STRUGGLE.
quarantine is fun
Mixed emotions. I have been quarantining since returning back from Spain, alone.
It’s been fun so far, time to spend in my new apartment, get myself back to normal and adjust to the one hour's time difference.
I have a feeling a lockdown is on it’s way. My brain is currently in a lockdown of it’s own. I'm taking my anti-d’s every other day and the brain fog/zaps are real.
No mention of my significant other finishing up work as of yet, which is good as we won’t be getting on top of each other.
Alongside my unwanted mood swings due to the tapering, I’d say I’m pretty capable of cold blooded murder. This work from home thing is great. I can now practice that working from home lifestyle I always dreamed of. I can work out in the morning’s, make it a MUST to always get dressed and ready to get me into the zone, make a cute little work space, practice mindfulness, make delicious healthy lunches and become the person I always wanted to be.
Quarantine is fun.
Yet to wake up on time and workout. Just a few naughty lie-in's. In my defence, I have recently got back from a full on training week in Spain and besides I am cutting out my daily commute so that extra hour than usual isn’t hurting anybody. Significant other still going to work, I am enjoying turning over and snoozing some more whilst he gets ready for his day ahead. I feel in power. I am not going to get dressed today, everything is in the wash.
The COVID-19 symptoms paranoia has introduced itself. Headache, nausea, fluctuating temperature. I have just returned from Europe, the chances are likely.
Just googled ‘Coming off Anti-Depressants side effects’ they are all the same as what I am suffering. Maybe now wasn’t the best time to prompt symptoms similar to the fast spreading worldwide disease of 2020.
Significant other has returned from his day. I have been working from the comfort of my kitchen table and dipping into the fridge every now and then. It feels weird being so close to the fridge, I have never visited it so much. There is talks about his place closing down for the foreseeable. This makes me think… are we really going to have to spend everyday in this flat together?
I’d rather not think that far into the future.
Seems likely a lockdown is on its way and significant other’s place and my work place are officially closing. They’ll be no going back anytime soon. I wonder how long this lockdown will actually last?
Not to worry, it’ll be fun. As long as we give each other space and don’t interrupt each other’s routine we should breeze through this. I’m still yet to start those home workouts, brain fog is still very much present, and I just feel genuinely fatigued. Trying not to feel too guilty. I managed to get to the shop to get some dumbbells to motivate me.
This quarantine thing really messed up mine and my new gyms relationship. We were just beginning to really enjoy each other’s company and now it has abruptly come to a halt. I’m not to sure if I am going to be able to go back with ease, we will see.
the eyebrow/moustache situation is growing.
work from home in style
Home workout achieved! Me and my friend started to do live workouts over facetime. It’s good to have a schedule set in place for the next day, actually makes you wake up because I was finding it troublesome to actually get out of the bed to spend the day in my front room.
I’m now onto three days off, three days on with my meds! Feeling proud of myself, another reason being… I got dressed today. Pair of jeans and a hoodie, nothing too dressy to trick my brain into thinking we're actually leaving the house but also an outfit fit for a newbie to the WFH life.
Significant others last day tomorrow. I have told him he has to find a project to work on to stimulate his brain and prevent him distracting me during this unprecedented time. He grunted.
I feel he is not taking this project thing seriously.
I sacked the jeans off. They were cutting into my stomach unnecessarily and leaving zip and button marks. What am I trying to prove? My hair is getting wild, not to mention other parts of the body.
I’ve picked all my Shellac polish off when the nail lady specifically told me not to do that. I was due a trip to the hairdressers before all of this. Now I am going to have to actually deal with my own natural curls making an appearance. No not the luscious, bouncy curls you see on the adverts. Tight, frizzy, picky curls.
To give you the best description I will repeat how my significant other described them this morning...
"they are as tight as a dogs arsehole hair" - apparently it translates better in his own language.
My kitchen table isn’t cutting it anymore as my WFH space, it resides in an awkward position and I am finding myself not having to even stand up to access the fridge anymore. I also want to see what Phil and Holly are up to, whilst working of course. It’s ok to have television on at a low volume isn’t it?
Body is aching after one home workout and my intake in bread has risen, probably why the jeans were sitting snug.
Suffering guilt/failure syndrome. All this time at home and I’m not being as productive as I imagined. I thought I would be well into a routine by now but the need to rest/sleep/eat is distracting me.
My last day of quarantine alone, we are both literally stepping into the unknown. Talks of a lockdown still floating around. Boris isn’t saying much and there is a lot of fake news going around. I’ve just been informed Prince Phillip is dead.
Must get around to doing some mindfulness.
Prince Phillip is not dead, he’s up in Balmoral quarantining himself. It’s the weekend, so official self-isolation with my signif other hasn’t actually started. We're in good moods, I have high hopes. He stockpiled most things whilst I was away, so we are fulfilled in that department. I’m lucky as he is such a talented cook, as long as I am careful and eat in moderation alongside workouts, my waistline should resist from expanding. I am determined to start this coming week properly. I’ve had my lazy week, now it’s time to get into a WFH routine including all those things I envisioned myself doing. My eyebrows have lost all shape and hope, I see other people complaining of this quarantine side effect. I don't feel so alone.
I keep filling up online baskets and abandoning them. Desperate to shop, nothing I want to buy that doesn’t involve getting dressed and leaving the house for the world to see. I’ll have to sit tight for now.
Spent the morning filling up yet another basket. I feel cranky, restless and bored. It must be rubbing off on my significant other as he’s not being overfriendly himself. Finding it difficult to differentiate my work time from personal time.
My little safe haven I call Home, now has more gadgets in it than PC world and I found myself checking my work emails in the bath last night. That needs to stop.
Slight bit of bickering occurring this evening. I’m not going to take it to heart, this is just the beginning.
The space has just become significantly too small for two people. It may be my paranoia, but it seems I have developed a shadow.
I have a week full of online training webinars, I cannot find my headphones and the acceptable TV volume has risen by seventeen.
Halfway through my first webinar, significant other finds that now is the time to whack the extractor fan on and rustle up some oats.
Going to the bedroom, dangerous territory. If I work from the comfort of my own bed, I will soon be sending emails in my sleep.
Porridge is delivered.
Thankful for the porridge, not thankful for the additional extractor fan noise it took to get it.
I’ve come to the realisation that as I have been doing three days on/off my medication, when I do take it now, my body feels like it is starting all over again. I feel more groggier, lower. I’m not going to take them anymore, I’m going to see how long I can go until I feel the need to take one.
Home workout complete, hair is unacceptable, and I have been wearing the same fleecy pyjama bottoms and hoodie since this whole pandemic began. Going to change it up tomorrow.
The fridge is getting emptier and I am getting hungrier. What is this?
Significant others project is still pending. I am going to cut him some slack and give him a lazy week. It’s only fair right? Besides I don’t want to upset the Chef.
wine is an essential
I’ve worked out, I have showered and I am dressed. I have opted for a Satin midi skirt and t shirt with tights. Very WFH in comfort and style, Still casual but still an effort.
That lasted all of ten minutes. It’s to cold I’ve gone back to the hoodie, fleecy pyjama bottoms pending. I feel like I owe it to myself and my significant other to at least make some kind of effort. Although he is currently sat in stupidly thick woollen socks from the medieval times and Birkenstocks and decided to shave off his beard. So, he isn’t a picture himself. We're more or less even.
Decided to make a shopping list for our next shop at the weekend. He is arguing wine is not an essential, I beg to differ.
Talking of wine, I have cracked open a bottle for dinner, he helped himself to a glass. This clearly is more than an essential if I am having to share.
I wasn’t paranoid, I have most certainly developed a shadow. I was sat on the toilet, the only alone time I can catch these days. He joined me uninvited by checking out his non existent beard in the mirror, I don’t know why that couldn’t wait.
It’s bedtime again, this quarantine is flying by.
spend your time wisely
Foggy brain, whether that’s the wine or the lack of meds, I don’t know.
Haven’t washed my hair in a while, coming up to two weeks. We're in lockdown not caveman times, I force myself to wash it. Felt good and I managed to do it without an audience.
Significant other has gone for a run. I feel spoiled, a whole thirty minutes to myself... what to do? I choose to spend this time looking in the fridge for something to eat. These work webinars are all of a sudden becoming overwhelming and my brain fog isn’t helping.
Quarantine has now got me into a state of true paranoia. This week seems to be that my Company have set up a secret camera in my house/laptop to see if I am really attending these webinars. I am, so I have nothing to worry about. However, I’m worried they are going to see my hair.
Significant other is back from his freedom. I think he enjoys being locked indoors with me 24/7.
He has this habit of getting me to massage his feet whilst he splays across the sofa and I’m trapped tightly in the corner, uncomfortable and irritated. I want to protest and tell him to find another masseuse, but I find myself engrossed in who’s going to win Come dine with me. I catch sight of his satisfied smirk.
Today is the first time I want out.
I am positive today. Stay positive, we are in this together. Positivity is key.
I find an online Brownie recipe. I bound into the kitchen and make it known that I plan to bake brownies. Significant other states he doesn’t like brownies and he was planning on making a Tiramisu. Which is funny as he was on his phone playing his battle game aimed at 12-year olds.
I want to make these brownies I say. He expresses his unasked for opinion that brownies aren't to his liking and he won’t eat them. I am left baffled as to why he thinks these brownies are being baked for him.
I lose my temper unfortunately, yell that he’s a fun sponge and to piss off under my breath and slam the bedroom door.
I climb into bed and watch netflix’s for the rest of the day.
Positivity well and truly out the window.
HOW DID MATILDA DO IT?
I’m awake, let’s work out I say.
I’m awake, let’s make fluffy buttery American pancakes with all the syrups in the house he says.
I decide to workout with my new dumbbells. I am sweating and have a feeling he is watching thinking how sexy I look whilst doing so. Instead he directs his anger towards me by yelling his rubber spatula I used for the chicken curry last night still smells of curry and there’s a good chance we are going to have curry pancakes.
I want to throw a dumbbell at his head.
Afterwards, I completely eradicate the hard work I just did and eat the pancakes. The effort was there.
The pancakes were outrageously good… and curry taste free.
We don’t like each other. I’ve since moved onto the single chair and he isn’t asking for me to come back and massage his feet. I can tell by the way we keep looking at each other that we are channelling our inner mind powers to make the other one disappear.
It isn’t working.
sorry, do I know you?
I check my notes on my phone, it’s been a while since I popped an escitalopram. How has this happened? No side effects, apart from nausea which has been a daily side effect now for years. Feeling like a queen right now, I’ve cracked more than a week without drugs.
Significant other still exists.
He still hasn’t made his Tiramisu.
We went to the shop and got our essentials (wine included) We decided to split the list in half and go around the shop separately, so we look like two different shoppers going about their essential shop. I think he enjoyed this game, every time I went to congregate to see where we were at, he pretended he didn’t know me. Fair enough.
me and my shadow
Up and webinar-ing.
I’m hungry, surprise. I need to curb this appetite. Side effects of tapering claimed to be loss of appetite. For every illness I’ve endured, every medication taken that involves ‘loss of appetite’ it doesn’t seem to be applicable to me.
Went for a long run, shadow in tow. Managed to stumble across a lovely quiet patch of field and I chose to practice some Mindfulness whilst I was there.
Self-care evening. Bubble bath, music, large G&T and somehow it was uninterrupted. Magical.
Finally up, showered, no attempt to sort my hair and straight to the laptop to catch up on non existent emails. Work has gone quiet lately which is to be expected I guess.
I asked signif other if he would like a boiled egg for breakfast to which he replied ‘Are you seriously hungry? ‘ I am not to sure if it’s just me but usually after a restful sleep, come 11am I’m usually border lining hungry. So, I guess the answer is yes I am seriously hungry. The ‘seriously’ added into the sentence has threw me off and not in a good way.
I was boiling inside, unlike the eggs.
I let my anger out by doing a hard hitting workout. To which of course he decided to work out to. I made sure that all of my boxing jabs… his face was in my eyeline.
He went out for a run shortly afterwards, I enjoyed my boiled eggs like one should.
Since the clocks went forward, the days are disappearing. Suffered major dizziness last night after demolishing a large block of Dark chocolate.
I feel like absolute shit today, a major low day. Did some Yoga, until I'd had enough criticism of my downward dog. I then went to the park for a run which resulted in a much needed cry in the middle of an empty field, I left after that.
Significant other decided to make homemade bread, it was an emotional rollercoaster. Many ups and downs as to whether this bread was going to pull through. Turned out decent, the inside texture came out like crumpets which I appreciated. He did not.
The low mood hasn't shifted and I have a feeling I'm left with it until bedtime.
I make a cup of tea, get on the sofa and stare through the TV until bedtime.
CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT
I slept extremely deep, dreams were so vivid and it felt like my eyes were glued together.
When I finally opened my eyes I noticed, the low mood wasn't hanging around, hurrah.
We went on a couples run today. I find it hard to get in the zone when we are together, he is fit enough to be curious and ask questions whilst running... " How old do you think these trees are? " I don't answer, I never do. As I don't know the answer and I don't physically have the breath to waste on a guesstimate.
Post run stroll. I suggested, during this time we need either a newborn or a puppy. To which he picked up a stick and threw it and told me to go fetch. I had breath to spare at this point and told him that, that stick was more than likely riddled with Covid-19.
During this process, no couples split up.
Thank you to my significant other for feeding my research for this blog post daily by being himself.