Therapy in itself
Updated: Feb 13
Ever since pressing the Publish button on my ‘Anxiety Movement’ post at the beginning of this month, I have since felt lighter. I had the post sitting in my drafts since March with the idea that it was there but never to be shared with the world. The more it sat there, the more the voice in my head was telling me to be brave and to be vunerable and so I listened.
It was like a therapy in itself to finally put it out there and know that there was no going back. It was out there floating around for all to read and do you know what? it felt fucking good. I sat there proud as punch knowing that all my deepest, darkest attributes were now public and whoever didn’t like it could basically fuck off. Luckily, it was nothing, but positive feedback and bravery comments and I couldn’t be more grateful to everyone that took the time out to read, share and private message me to let me know that I am not alone in this.
With a new found strength it only made me more determined to talk about this and contribute to ending the stigma around Mental Health. For years it has always been a taboo topic, something I never felt comfortable with letting my nearest family and friends know about me, something to be ashamed of and in a way, a failure. I was always against medication, anti-depressants were a no go. In my eyes they were an addiction, something that brainwashes you and gives you the tagline of a bit crazy. I now embrace my crazy and recently uploaded my #citralopramsnap for all to see. Therapy I always assumed was an expensive way of help and talking about it was ludicrous. Now all of sudden after starting this Blog and publishing my story, I feel empowered. The network of Mental Health Advocates and Groups that are set up all across social media and externally are an amazing way to share, feel and belong. I have never felt less alone in a long long time and it’s a pretty amazing feeling.
Now don’t get me wrong, the down days are still there and they probably are gonna hang around for a while longer. I just literally pulled myself out of a four day fog, nothing was making me feel better and lying in bed staring at the ceiling for half of the days was the only thing I wanted to commit too. I booked four days off work and four whole days were spent feeling really shit, low and pathetic. The thought of using my brain to write was a no go. My brain was so dead I thought I was going to be a one blog wonder and disappear off the blogging scene after just getting started. But hey, what can you do? I’m back.. I treated myself to some ceiling staring, a couple of walks, more than a couple glasses of wine and relaxing. And now… I’m back at my desk *Gun Emoji*
You know when you feel drawn to something? I started this blog with the idea in mind that I was going to write about Style, a few lifestyle things here and there, a potential page dedicated to my first love .. Food and see where it takes me. In the space of two months I have discovered that if there’s anything I know inside out it’s Grief, Loss, Anxiety, Depression, How shit and unfair life can be… you know all the feel good stuff? I also love to share what I wish I could afford and moan about London Transport but in all honestly I thought to myself … I could join the other 1 million Bloggers telling you to use my discount code or what’s new in Zara (I love these people by the way) but I don’t think it was ever meant to be my main niche. I have found a passion for writing about my own loss, my own grief, my own experiences because I believe there isn’t enough young twenty seven normal women that express and share their personal story’s and it isn’t about making people teary, sad and sympathetic. This is about showing people that you can come out the other side, you can talk about it, you can laugh about it and you can accept and be ok when you feel like you are back at the very beginning because it happens. After all these years I have always gotten back up and I am still doing so, but this time I’m taking you lot on the journey with me.
Read 'Anxiety Movement' here